Oregon Trip

Last Wednesday, I flew up to Oregon to visit my grandma and drive back to California with her. In total it was a 2 day trip and a total breath of fresh air.

I love plains. I love a lot of things, but in particular planes and airports. I love the constant feeling of people going places. Then when you get on the plain their is an overall calm after takeoff and it is mostly quiet. I had three flights on Wednesday in order to get to Oregon. I booked the cheapest flight... which meant 2 layovers and 11 hours of either being in an airport or up in the air. I didn't mind at all.

On my first flight, I wrote this:

Streaming through the sky, looking down on a world so huge. I feel like an ant in an ant hill. So small. All the cars moving through the streets look like toys. All of the people seem to be going somewhere. From above, all of the societal charades seem meaningless. That new car? means nothing. That lavish home? means nothing. Your job title? means nothing. From above, the question hits me...What is the meaning of life? Why all of the charades? We all spend money on things that mean nothing. Do we mean nothing? The time keeps running. Wasted time. Just living to stay alive. I want to break free. I want to move past this tiny world. No need for fancy cars. No need for name brand clothes. No need for fluff. I want to be free. I want to mean something. I want to expand my tiny world.

I believe this is Crater Lake in Oregon.

I believe this is Mt. Hood, maybe Mt. Shasta. I'll never know for sure.
That'd be my FAB seat-mate on my second flight. This awesome woman is Mia. So happy I met her on the flight. She was so lovely. The picture to the right is the sunset over Portland, Oregon.

This is my awesome Grandma and her husband. LOVE them :)

I just HAD to post this. This is my grandmas dog, Bruno. Isn't he adorable?!?!

My grandma is cooler than yours, you know why?!?! Because she has a squirrel as a pet, DUH.

Not a very good picture of either of us. I just wanted to point out that we both have the same squint-eye. HA.

Love.

I have always valued time above all else.

I heard this quote a long long time ago and it has always stuck with me:

"Life is time and time is all there is."

Then there is this one:

‎"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive." -Howard Thurman

What makes me feel alive? Photographing people in love. It's cheesy, but I love love. There is so much joy in capturing the special love of a couple that is about to get married and then capturing their love on their wedding day. Their love makes me feel alive.

In my 16 (17 in 12 days) years of life, there are a couple things I know for sure. One of them is: saying my goals out loud helps me to achieve them.

Goal #1: Shoot couples (LOTS of them) and get really really really good at it.

Goal #2: Change my website to target mainly couples.

Goal #3: Book 20 weddings for 2012.

Goal #4: Live happily ever after.

It's time for a little leap of faith, Sidney. I am ready to follow my passion: documenting love. I love love love, love.

Just A ittle preview from a recent engagement session. This sweet couple is getting married this October. Full blog post to come soon :)

Stuck in a Rut and an Adventure to Idyllwild.

Lately, it feels like the days are going by way too fast. Not to sound overly dramatic, but it feels like life is slipping away from me... day by day. Then I get to thinking about it... and I get depressed and lose all of my motivation... and I don't want to do anything.... at all.

This stuck-in-a-rut-and-I-don't-want-to-do-anything mood comes on abruptly and all I want to do is leave. I get the strong desire to just go on an adventure.

After school one day, I decided I was going to go up to Idyllwild... just because I can.

I went up there and enjoyed an all-organic Panini with my good friend, Kayla. Then we climbed into the forest a little bit and found a pretty waterfall (that I didn't get any pictures of that are even worth posting. There's a reason i'm not a nature photographer ;) ). It was perfect and exactly what I needed.

This past month or so, I've been a little crazy with working and trying to keep up with school at the same time (fueled by little sleep and a whole 'lotta Starbucks). Powerful lesson learned: I need rest... and the occasional adventure.

The Art of Being Weird

Well hello there, internet! :)

About two months ago, I stayed up late with a friend and we talked about our lives and different topics that were on our minds until the wee hours of the night. Things that stuck with me were: Inhibitions. Being free. Happiness.

This dear friend opened my eyes to the life that is possible when we let go of our inhibitions and our fear of judgement... you know... real life. I have always been a little afraid of being weird. In middle school, a boy asked me "why are you so weird" and for a long long time I tried to hold in or even mask my "weirdness" with productivity, politeness, and the idea that I could be perfect.

Little did I know, perfect is impossible. For years, I fought an empty fight: the fight to be perfect. Here I am to say.... it is a freakin' waste of time!

What is weird? To most, it is that feeling when things get so awkward that you don't know what to say. To me, weird is life. Life is wonderfully messy. It is impossible to become a tidy little packaged lady with 100% productivity. Trust me, it's impossible. I've tried and successfully failed. I am a messy little package and the string that holds me together comes untied sometimes, but that's okay.

Slowly, I am letting go of these inhibitions. It's okay to be a little bit crazy sometimes, because it's no fun to be a neatly bound package. Learn to accept it now before you waste valuable years of your life. Being weird and [accepting it] is truly an art.

My day as the Easter Bunny

Okay, so... as you all know... the Easter Bunny IS real. But, on Friday he wasn't able to make it to our school because he was way too busy getting ready to deliver millions of Easter baskets on Easter.

Since, tragically, we were unable to get the real Easter bunny to come to our school... I had the honor of dressing up as a replacement.

All day long, I hopped around school and handed out Easter eggs. Mid-day, I crossed paths with Sarah... and oh.my.goodness. She was so excited to see the Easter Bunny. Her eyes filled with pure joy as I (the Easter Bunny) leaned in for a hug. Without a doubt, that was probably one of the coolest moments of my life.

Then at the end of the day... my principle, Dr. Roe, got an eggcellent surprise....

Moved.

I have been searching for all of the answers lately.

I have always had an intense connection to pain. When I capture it, I feel like my heart is wide open... laying on a table, beating in front of everyone. The rawness of pain, the way that it connects all of us. It's beautiful.

In my search for answers, I have found that the most important thing is for me to be moved. and I want to move you. Every time you look here, I want you to be moved in some way. Look into the picture, experience it. Allow yourself to be moved.

Thank you.

In the beginning, I had intended for this blog to just be a place for me to post pictures from shoots that I do. It has turned into so much more than that. It's become where I pour my heart out. Kind of a journal of sorts.

And people actually read it. Yeah, I am as surprised as you are.

I want to say thank you to everyone who reads my blog. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. I feel so blessed that people take time out of their day to look at my blog. Seriously, I love you all. Don't be afraid to shoot me an email or a comment. (I want to be a part of your journey too!)

Thank you all. Much love to you on this Saturday night.

Impressing people, happiness, and God.

I try to impress people. All the time. Then, if I let someone down... my whole world falls down. And I cry. A lot. I try to be everything I can be, to please others. Always.

Earlier this month, I asked myself: Am I happy?

The answer was, no.

Why not? I am living for others. Not for me. Not for God.

How do I change that? Follow my heart. Follow God. Pray. Listen to what God wants for me.

Last week, I quit my job at H&R block. I prayed about it, a lot. I felt the push. I knew that I was in that job for money and to impress people (my boss and my dad who values hard work). Which are both great, but I know that my energy belongs somewhere else.

What do I want to do? What does God want me to do? More prayer. I decided to take a risk. To pour myself into photography, with my whole heart. More than I ever have before. With God, I have new eyes. A new way of seeing everything in ways that have never seen them before.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I belong exactly where I am. I am satisfied. There is a freedom in knowing that you are always accepted and you are always loved. No matter what. There is a new light, a new joy to everything I do. And the glory is to God. Always.

I kind of feel naked on the web. Everyone who reads this now knows one of my biggest flaws (living to impress people). I'm slowly learning to let go. It's okay to be imperfect and vulnerable. Maybe even a little bit crazy at times. But hey, it may not be perfect but at least it's real.

Please ask yourself:

Am I happy? If not, why? What can I do to change it?

If you're happy, keep doing what you're doing. If not, change something.

WPPI Day 2

I just counted how many pages of notes I took today. The grand total? 17 pages. Tim Meyer, Jason Aten, Craig Heidemann, Juieanne Kost, Scott & Adina Hayne, and Cliff Mautner were all INCREDIBLE. Everyone exceeded my expectations. Today, I spent 8 hours in seminars. I can't wait to go home and apply all of this knowledge to my photography, business, and life. My brain is growing and stretching in ways that I could have never imagined. But, there are still 4 more days! How exciting is that? Gosh, I am so happy I came!

Everyone here seems to be 25+. Which means, there is about a 10 year difference between me and the other photogs. I've met a couple of new friends. 5 to be exact. Part of me is scared to approach older photogs because I am afraid of the judgement. Maybe they will think... what the heck is she doing, she doesn't belong here. I want to throw all of my fears away. A big emphasis today was setting measurable goals for yourself and your business.

Tomorrow, my goal is to meet 10 new people. The reason I am writing it here is because... well I don't know why. Maybe accountability. Yeah, I'll go with that.

This is the amazing desert at the MGM buffet. Amazing.

Well, that's me. Taken by my dad. And yes, I am wearing the shirt. You know, the free shirt that they hand out to everyone. I like it, it's comfy. It might just be my new favorite shirt.

WPPI Day 1

I am currently in Las Vegas, NV for WPPI (Wedding and Portrait Photographers International). Today was the first day of the convention. I didn't take any pictures inside the actual convention... because how nerdy would that be? lol.

The first speaker of the night was Dane Sanders, who was ahhh-mazing. To be honest... before WPPI I had never heard of him... so I didn't really expect much. I was seriously blown away by his incredible articulation. A big thing that stuck out to me was "If you could invent your life, how would it look?" After his speech, I was inspired to move. To change. and most importantly, create.

The Second speaker of the night was, Jerry Ghionis. To me, Jerry Ghionis embodies the word artist. This man creates passionately and truly believes in the power of photography. Some things that were emphasized throughout his speech were the concepts of constantly pushing yourself to work harder, to constantly stretch creatively, and how much photography truly is an invaluable art. "You don't have to be the best. You just have to be better than last week". -Jerry Ghionis.

All I have to say is woah! After the speeches tonight, I went and explored the strip. I felt like I had a new pair of eyes. Everything around me seemed clearer and more defined. I passed a man hold a sign... "Why lie? I need a beer." Something in me said "get that! now! you must capture it." I get that feeling a lot. Most of the time I ignore it... usually because approaching people is awkward. After tonight, I am committing to listening to that voice in me when it says "get that! capture it before it's too late."

I am currently in Las Vegas, NV for WPPI (Wedding and Portrait Photographers International). Today was the first day of the convention. I didn't take any pictures inside the actual convention... because how nerdy would that be? lol.

The first speaker of the night was http://danesanders.com/">Dane Sanders, who was ahhh-mazing. To be honest... before WPPI I had never heard of him... so I didn't really expect much. I was seriously blow away by his incredible articulation. A big thing that stuck out to me was "If you could invent your life, how would it look?" After his speech, I was inspired to move. To change. and most importantly, create.

The second speaker of the night was http://www.jerryghionis.com/">Jerry Ghionis. To me, Jerry Ghionis embodies the word artist. This man creates passionately and truly believes in the power of photography. Somethings that was inphasized throughout his speech was the concept of constantly pushing yourself to work harder, to constantly stretch creatively, and how much photography truly is an invaluable art. "You don't have to be the best. You just have to be better than last week". -Jerry Ghionis.

Profound Peace.

Yesterday I was driving down Florida Ave. (the main street in Hemet) and I saw a group of people marching with flags. Of course, I stopped. I had to get a picture. I didn't know who they were or what they were doing but I had to capture it. I needed to know these people and their cause.

After inquiring, I learned who they are and what their cause is. I had the priveledge of meeting Danny Banks, a prominent member of the Soboba Indian tribe. Banks told me that they were marching across town in order to fight diabetes and raise awareness.

Sometimes, when I meet new people... I am taken aback. This doesn't happen often. It probably only occurs 2% of the time. When I meet these 2% of people, I am impacted by their words and more importantly their presence. Banks spoke passionately about fighting diabetes and the pain that it causes his people. I could tell in his eyes that he would do anything to find a cure... pure desperation. The pure desperation that makes you want to get up and do something. and that is exactly what he did. He and other members of his tribe marched for several miles across town proudly waving their flags and beating their drums... fighting the fight.

This week has been huge for me. I have made huge strides toward peace. Profound peace. This man represents that to me. I am so honored to have crossed paths with him.

Fields of glory.

Sometimes I fall asleep in the shower. Today was just one of those kind of days. On Mondays, I usually feel a little bit depressed.... each week I go to school, I work, I eat, I sleep. That's all. Saturdays and Sundays are my days off. Then the cycle restarts and it's Monday again. I can't help but feel like I am wasting time.

As I sit in class, I usually daydream about many different things. A recurring daydream is running through fields of overgrown grass, smiling at the sun and fully enjoying life... every single second of it. Then I resurface. I am in class... math class... the teacher is talking about graphing and y-intercepts. I am definitely not running through fields of glory. I am sitting in a cold room, sitting on a hard chair, expected to cram (seemingly) useless information into my brain.

Today was different. Today I had an epiphany. To me, it is so important that I make my life a life of purpose in everything that I do. Areas that don't seem to serve a "purpose".... I will bring purpose to them. Math is big for me, i've never been good at it. Or even okay at it. We are 3 weeks into the semester and I have a 91%. That is up 35% from last semester. I am thrilled with an A-. But that's not my best. I want to pour my hear into it. I want to get an A+. I want to be the absolute best that I can be. I want to do my best, and not just get by. In everything.

No more wasting time.

I am done waiting for something to come along and make me happy. I am just going to be happy. Just because. Just because I am a child of God. Just because every day is a blessing (even Mondays).

I've decided that I am going to show up to my life. Every moment of it. I am going to be my best. I am going to do more than just get by. I can create my own fields of glory.

Listen.

Everyone has a story, even if they don't have the voice to share it.

What makes you happy?

"What makes you happy?" That is a question that I got today.

The first things that came to mind were: Freedom. Funny people. Road trips. Sleeping in. Feeling important/ needed. Making other people happy. & Sunsets.

When I was asked this question... I was taken back by it. It is such a simple question, yet so incredibly powerful. Sometimes I get a nagging feeling... like I want more out of life. I feel that way a lot. I need to do more. I need to be more. I need to be happier. It is overwhelming to think of all of the things I want to do in life and what I want to become.

Honestly, all that matters is happiness. If that is my main goal, how do I get there? Well, it's simple: By doing things that make me happy and arranging my life so I can enjoy things like freedom, sunsets and feeling needed.

What makes you happy?

I'm curious. Post your answer(s) as a comment.

Financial security or living passionately?

Someone asked if I really want to pursue a career (photography) that lacks financial security...

My response: I am 16 and a half. I started doing photography about a year ago and I think I have come a long ways. If I keep progressing at this rate until I am 18 and manage my photography as a business, I think there is a solid chance I could make a living off of it. When it comes down to it, this is EXACTLY what I want to do. I want to be a photographer, that is my dream. Growing up, people tell you to follow your dreams... that is what I am doing and plan to continue doing throughout my life. When you think about it... it's a very very competitive field, but if there is going to be one person who is going to make it, I will make darn sure that it's me. I will do that by working extremely hard at what I do and following my passion.

I don't want to wake up one day later on in life and think, I really wish I would have taken the leap of trying to become a photographer. This is my time. This is my 100 years, I will make it everything I want it to be. There will probably be struggles, but I can't imagine myself in any other career. Money doesn't bring meaning to your life, living passionately and following your dreams does. I am confident that if God didn't want me to be exactly where I am, I wouldn't be.

During a shoot with my friend, Brooke Bickler, after taking pictures of her for forever... she thought the camera should be turned on me. So, I got on a dress and those ridiculous cowboy boots. It was fun. And I kind of like the way it came out.

To-Do lists and life living.

This picture is of my best friend, Brooke. She sent me a text message this morning, inviting me to her water polo game today. I said... maybe... because I had a To-Do list that was 20+ items long that I was planning on conquering after I got out of school. I went home after school, worked steadily until it was game time.... I had only accomplished 5 out of 20 things on my list. Then I sat back and thought about it... what really matters? Getting these last few pictures done right this minute or spending a couple of hours living, enjoying, and whole-heartedly savoring my life? Well, the answer is obvious. I chose life. And not the life staring at the computer screen for hours. The real life.

I am not saying that I don't enjoy diving into page long To-Do lists, but there comes a point where you know that it's time to get out and get away from commitments.... because we all know they can wait a few hours. In the end, people will not remember you by your commitment to your To-Do list, but the commitment to the people around you.... because that is what really matters.

Darkness

Initially, I wasn't going to post the pictures from this shoot because they are a bit different from my normal style and I didn't want to confuse people as to what type of work I produce.

But, I decided I was going to go for it because I have an emotional connection to these pictures because they say so much. Sometimes, I feel like pictures act as diary entries... one day I will look back at these pictures and remember exactly how I felt when I took them. Life isn't always perfect. There are dark times. I have come to appreciate the darkness when it comes, because I know that it adds contrast to the light. How would I ever recognize light if I hadn't seen darkness? In the dark, I am alone, and everything is empty. That is the time to think about everything and truly get creative.

I enjoy spending the majority of my time in the light, but occasionally I crave being alone, crawling into the darkness and thinking for a while. I am slowly learning to embrace the unavoidable darkness when it comes.

Real

Often, I find that the vast majority of my work can be described in 3 words: happy, bright, and energetic. This is something that I love and my clients appreciate because nobody wants a picture of a sad little child on their mantle.

Every so often, I will ask a subject to do a pouty face (this is usually to make them loosen up) or make no face at all and just let go of their "chucky cheese" smile completely. These images, where there is no pose, just genuine emotion in front of my camera.. that is the real moment. When I look at this picture, so many emotions flood my brain and that is how I want all of my images to be... whether they are happy, bright, energetic, or downright tear-provoking.

Beautiful.

2010 In Review

Tonight, I gave myself the task of picking a favorite picture from every session from 2010. Looking at this collage makes me so happy and my heart fills with warmth. My 2010 was made great by the people in these pictures. I am so blessed to have met and worked with so many awesome people. Overall, I can say that I am satisfied (which is HUGE for me, because I am never satisfied) with 2010, I know I gave it my 100%. Now it's time to dive into 2011 and I am so excited for all of the things in store and all of the new people I am going to meet. Cheers to 2010 and an even better 2011. :)